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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.