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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?