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I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?