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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.