Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
Hi Iām an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?