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Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...