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You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.