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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.