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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet