Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.