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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.