Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.