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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....