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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
My life is just one long improvisation.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.