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I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.