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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.