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I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.