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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
condoms prevent minivans
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.