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Partying on my level requires years of training.
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.