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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy