Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.