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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
I thought I was having dĆ©jĆ vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.