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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack