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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.