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It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!