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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.