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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".