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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.