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We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.