Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.