Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.