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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Youth is wasted on the young.