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I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.