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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.