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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours