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I drink to make other people interesting
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
My favorite beer is the next one.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Youth is wasted on the young.