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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...