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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.