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When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
My life coach just benched me.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.