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People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.