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My gift horse is facing the wrong way
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.