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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!