Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.