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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.