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I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.