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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave