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Which wine goes best with more wine?
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.