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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.