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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
Iām actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.