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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.