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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.