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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?