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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.