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Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
My pants are 75% off.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.