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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
I want to sleep tighter
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.